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DON QUIXOTS AT COLLEGE 



OS. A 



HISTORY 



OF THE 



GALLANT ADVENTURES 



hATELY ACHIEVXD BY THE COMBINED STUDENTS OF HARVARD 



VNIVSRSITY; INTERSPSPSBD with S09I£ 



FACETIOUS REASONINCS, 







V 


BY 


A SENIOR. 






BOSTON: 




SfUBLISHED BY 


ETHERIDGE AND 


3LI»7 


No. 


12, CORNHILV 




I0& 


THE AUTHOR, 





* 1807. 






HISTORY, &c. 



To unfold the origin, and describe the progress and 
termination of those mighty revolutions which have 
taken place upon the earth, has been an employment 
fully equal to the greatest men. The description of 
those elevated characters, who, in times of commotion, 
rise up and take upon themselves the guidance of their 
feeble fellow mortals ; the investigation of their mo- 
tives, the explaining of their dexterous sagacity, and 
almost unfathomable depths of design, is a task worthy 
the highest native genius, matured by the most per- 
fect education. For our own part, conscious of our 
deficiency in both these respects, and recollecting the 
peculiar dignity and native grandeur, which the event 
we are about to describe, derive both from the enor- 
mous abilities and high station of the actors, and from 
the all important object which these heroes have 
with such splendid exertions, and unshaken firmness 
endeavoured to attain, we feel overwhelmed with an 
awe and diffidence on entering upon the present la- 
bours, which nothing but our veneration for those en- 
gaged in the late exemplary and dignified tumults at 
Harvard University, and our ardent desire to exhibit, 
for imitation, their deathless and noble deeds, could 
have overcome so far as to enable us to hold our pen 
with a steady hand. 

Some of the greatest and most influential members 
of Harvard College had, during a long period, groaned 
under the intolerable grievance of being supplied with 
food, which they often found neither so neatly cooked, 



4 

so f^t, nor so well roasted, as their most exquisite tastes 
required. It is the essential qualit}^ of great and aspiring 
minds, not to submit in silence to such insupportable 
abuses. They therefore drew, with much spirit, a re- 
monstrance of their grievances, and presented it to the 
president of die College, that he might lay it before the 
corporation. That body, not being accustomed to act 
entirely without previous deliberation, or to judge upon 
any matter without having first* examined it, took 
the remonstrance into consideration, and requested 
their president to inquire in what manner the griev- 
ances of which it complained might best be remedied. 
But the accuracy of experienced age, illy suited the 
resistless ardor and impetuosity of youthful and justly 
incased genius. 

About this time an event happened at the University, 
which the deep and never winking sagacity of the 
great and experienced leaders of the splendid scenes wc 
are about to describe, would not perihit them to ne- 
glect, because it was so evidently favourable to their 
designs. Toward the latter part of March, in the year 
eighteen hundred and seven, the immediate govern- 
ment of the College suspended several of the stu- 
dents. We are not acquainted with their particular 
offence. This insult of the government, the honour 
and high spirit of many of the other students would not 
suffer them to pass over, without taking an exemplary 
revenge. What student, that has the least tincture 
of humanity, would not feel his blood boil within him, 
at seeing the most severe and despotic power of the 
government exercised in sending into exile some 
of his comrads, for no other crime, perhaps, than 
drowning with a little noise the melancholy toll of the 
clock Jn the old Gothic turret, striking the ghostly hour 
ofmidnight, and for just sallying out, and enlivening 



the dreary stillness of the night, by the cheerful tink. 
ling, excited by the shattering to pieces a few glass 
windows ? Surely those, who ever engage in these 
innocent amusements, ought alv^ays to be rewarded, 
rather than punished. 'J'he high resentment of some of 
the students at this horrid abuse of authority in the gov- 
ernment, was therefore just and manly; and new lustre 
was added to the dignity of their feelings by the pathetic 
and impressive manner in which they expressed them, 
which was by stamping and scraping maje stically with 
their feet, when in presence of the detested tutors, and 
filling the ears of those gentlemen with the most heart 
rending groans and hisses. As when the tall bark 
glides through the evening twilight down the smooth 
stream of the Niger, the merchant, as he treads the 
deck, hears from the neighbouring shores the pleasing 
dissonance of the voices of a thousand golden skinned 
serpents expecting their pray, mingled with the hollow 
roar of the lion ; or, if these are silent a moment, he 
hears the crocodile, by the edge of the water, treading 
along, or preparing in the sand a repository for his 
young. 

On Saturday morning of the twenty first of March, 
1807, another scholar was suspended for the trifling 
offence of hissing in the face of the tutors. The lofty 
and energetic indignation of the students now rose, 
like the mercury in the thermometer when brought 
nearer the heat. They at first determined to escort, 
in a long and solemn procession, the unfortunate suf- 
ferer from the town. But the strenuous and gigantic 
talents of their leaders, which perceive all the relations 
of a subject at one view, and which discover the best 
expedient at an important crisis with the rapidity of 
lightning, soon determined, that it was best to solicit 
fi-om the goWnment the repeal of the unjust sentence, 



which condemned a fellow student to languish several 
long months in the country for an offence so small that 
the acutest mental vision could not see it. As when 
the brickmaker, v-sitingthe scene of his labours in the 
morning, finds his smoothed yard overflowed with 
the rains, which had fallen during the night, he with 
his spade opt ns a passage for the turbid waters, and 
conducts them \a hithtrsoever he pleases ; so did our 
heroes, with indignation lowering on their brows, hold- 
ing high ill air the petition for the release of the inno- 
cent, lead the students to the house of the president; 
around which, while their captains entered with their 
paper, they hovered, as do the clouds around the 
vertical sun, seen by the mariner, who sails beyond 
the isle of Cuba, and now is past port Morant into the 
broad Caribean. He gazes on the sea bird rising 
with his putrid prey, and now disappearing behind 
the lurid vapours, whose deep thunders announce the 
approaching hurricane. 

The situation of the sufferer was represented to the 
government in such colours, as to excite their pity. 
They therefore annulled the decree of suspension ; 
upon which the multitude upsent a shout, loud as from 
numbers without number ; a shout, not of joy at the 
recovering of the person suspended, for that would 
have been mean and low, but a shout of victory over 
detested power; a shout ominous of further noble 
achievements. As when the traveller in the Canadian 
forest is benighted and overtaken by a number of noble 
spirited wolves, combined for the purpose of depreda- 
tion, he throws to them a part of his provision, which 
they snatch with a growl, expressive at once of their 
pleasure on receiving it, and of their intention of rob. 
bing the giver of the rest, and at last of taking him for 
a prey. 



Soon after these important events, if we remember 
tight, it was on the Sabbath morning immediately sue- 
ceeding the victorious Saturday, another event, still 
more interesting and important than any of the pre- 
ceding, happened. At about half past eight in the 
morning there was found among the sugar, served up 
at commons, several splinters of sugar cane, some of 
which were of the enormous length of three quarters 
of an inch. It may be boldly affirmed, that, at a medi- 
um, all those that were found, were one half of an inch 
in length long measure. Some even affirmed, that after 
drinking off a cup of coffee they found it half full of 
sediment, arising from the filthiness of the sugar. But 
this we are disposed to doubt, because we have no 
more than academic faith in modern prodegies. This, 
if true, is certainlya miracle ; for at this rate a quantity 
of sugar, of one ounce apothecaries weight, would, 
after being dissolved, leave upwards of six ounces of 
sediment. But we leave this subject to tlie investiga- 
tion of the speculative ; for we perceive that this our 
history approacheth rapidly toward the midst of things. 
At noon on the same day, (Sunday) at about forty five 
minutes past twelve, a large spot was discovered upon 
one of the tablecloths ; the superficies was thought to be 
about equal to that of a cent. It was said to be nearly 
in the form of an ellipsis. Its edges were jagged, its 
colour similar to that which covers a knife that has long 
lain in a moist place without being used. Any one of 
these causes would have been sufficient to justify the 
most potent resentment of a man, who had never re- 
ceived any education. What effect then must we sup- 
pose that these causes united would have upon the in- 
dignation of lofty and magnanimous spirits, enlightened 
by science, and strengthened by a long exercise of the 
powers of ratiocinatipn ? Their resentment was not 



now like the flash of the midnight lightning,but it nobly 
kindled into a flame, awful, and, perhaps, unextin. 
guibhable. ^^"90 ^^^^ the persevering anger of the 
spouse of Itjpiter. 

Soon afterward a number of choice spirits, who were 
the representatives of their injured compeers, waited 
upon the president and demanded the result of their 
former remonstrance. The president, not being aware 
of the high office they sustained, did not give them an 
answer so satisfactory, as their dignity and the urgency 
of the occasion required. They, therefore, perceiving 
every thing by intuition, immediately concluded, and 
with great justness, that the corporation had refused 
to take into consideration the heavy calamities under 
which the students lay struggling and groaning most 
pathetically. The fact, that the corporation then had 
the remonstrance under confideration, does not, ac- 
cording to our idea of correct reasoning, in the least di- 
minish the propriety of the conduct of the honourable 
committee in concluding that their petition was rejected. 
But we will tarnish as little as possible our splendid 
history, with such a pedantic thing as reasoning. Let 
every one follow his own feelings, and they will direct 
him along the right way. 

The president of the university not answering the 
committee of the students with a reverence becoming 
its dignity, and the importance of their mission, was 
the signal to the students for open hostilities. Let no 
one think them too hasty in this respect ; for their coun-^ 
sels are a great deep, whose bottom no ordinary eye 
can discover ; and, besides, it is a maxim, as incontro- 
vertible as the most simple demonstration in mathe- 
matics, that, when such a number of brilliant literary 
characters are united, it is utterly impossible for thera 
to do wrong ; for any one of tii^m, singly, is almost 



infallible ; if, therefore, they are combined, they are 
necessarily free from all error. More than all this, they 
had lately been farther incensed bv a dinner of fish, 
which had been most mortally bruisIS by being brought 
from Boston in a waggon, over a tremendous rough 
road, and which had been served up with butter; 
which, though sweet enough to an uneducated nostril, 
had, nevertheless to the scientific olfactory nerve, a 
most insupportable rancidity. The various consider- 
ations above mentioned, which indeed were enough to 
have made an oyster spring with anger from his bed in 
the channel of a river, forced the students to prepare 
with all diligence for the commencement of hostilities* 
^ Early on Monday morning, thirtieth of March, eigh- 
teen hundred and seven, a most illustrious day, a bril- 
liant advertisement was erected in the lofty passage ^ 
which leads to the dining hall, ordering the students to 
assemble immediately after breakfast in that spacious 
apartment, to hold a consultation concerning commons. 
Tiie sight of the advertisement filled every breast with 
irresistible ardour. Its effect was like that of the rolling 
beat of the drum upon the soldier, announcing to him 
the houj: of battle and of honour ; or, like that of the 
hollow sound of the fishmonger's horn to the inhabit^ 
ants of some inland village, who have lived during sev- 
eral months upon no other animal food than slaugh- 
tered quadrupeds. The scholars soon flock toward ihe 
hall of meeting. The chilling dampness that reigned 
through the room ; its lofty ceilings ; its venerable ap- 
pearance of antiquity ; its two niches now empty, where 
the pictures of their majesties the king and queen of 
England formerly were placed — Sad emblem of revolu- 
tions ! the tables, where the students had been so often 
forced to eat what nb man could devour, except he 
Was hungry ; the emaciated forms of those who were 
met ; the heart touching langour with which they lolled 



10 

with folded arms upon the tables ; the contrast between 
their pale visages and their eyes, now sparkling with 
hope, now flashing ^vith anger; the all important occa- 
sion which had collected them ; the solemn and melan- 
choly step of the kitchen women, as they moved in 
succession out of the hall, tottering beneath a load of 
cups and saucers, all contributed to render it one of the 
most interesting and pathetic scenes ever recorded in 
history ; a scene which an Hogarth could not paint, nor 
the astonishing powers of a sir Richard Blackmore 
adequately describe. 

We had an intention of favouring posterity, after the 
manner of some of our brother historians, with the 
brilliant speeches which this meeting occasioned ; but, 
as we have not the originals in our possession, we 
think it best on the whole not to attempt, after the ex- 
ample of some of our brother writers among the Ro- 
mans, to substitute our o\Yn harangues instead of the 
real speeches of the actors ; since we utterly despair of 
equalling them, either in loftiness of thought, or in bril- 
liancy of diction. At this meeting of the students, how- 
ever, the spotted tablecloth, the fish jolted in the wag- 
gon, their ill health, arising from their commons,* and 
all the other insufferable grievances, were, no doubt 
dwelt upon in such touching strains of eloquence, 
as to draw tears from every eye. 

The result of their deliberations was, 1st. to enter 
the hall at noon, wait at their places while the blessing 
was asked, and then, with a firm and undaunted step, 

* We would propose to physicians the following qtiestions ; Is nothealth 
injured by inebriety ? by suppers of roasted meat, &c. eaten at mid- 
night? by unrestrained lust ? by the v 1 disease ? by envy ? by dis- 
appointment ? by close and unremitting- application to study ? We offer 
the consideration of some other questions to those who are acquainted 
with human nature. Do we not often ascribe our ill health to a wrong 
cause ? Are we hot sometimes deceived with respect to the motives 
of our own conduct ? 



11 

immediately to retire. 2d. To proceed directly to the 
kitchen, attack boldly the provisions it contained, and 
strew them with indignation over the College yard. 
These are two resolutions, which, considering those 
W'ho formed them, and the occasion of taking them, 
may, both on account of their manly firmness, and their 
dignity, challenge a comparison with any resolution 
ever made by any body of men. This was the time 
for business. Another meeting immediately succeed- 
ed the one just mentioned ; in which it was determined, 
to defer the assault upon the kitchen until the next 
morning after breakfast. The first resolution stood. 
Noon came. The commons bell tolled. Then might 
a Garrick, had he been in the College yard, have learned 
from the countenances he would have beheld, how to 
have expressed the features of Harry the fifth when 
addressing his men at the siege of Harfleur. He would 
have seen the stiffened sinew, the dreadful aspect of 
the eye, the teeth set, the nostril stretched, the breath 
held hard. With such features did the students enter 
the dining hall. But who can describe the lofty de- 
meanour, the undaunted firmness, the grandeur of spirit 
with which they deserted the hall after the asking of 
the blessing ? We can only saj^ that this exploit was 
gallantly achieved ; its actors covered themselves with 
glory ! None of them attended commons at evening. 
The next morning information was given, that no more 
commons would be provided at present. It was thus 
the impending attack upon the kitchen was fi-ustrated. 
This would have been one of the most brilliant engage- 
ments which has been witnessed these fifty years. We 
venture to affirm, that the fame of Marengo and Hohen- 
linden would have faded before it. When we consider, 
on the one hand, the garrison itself strongly fortified ; the 
discipline of its defenders; their warlike stores, and ex- 



12 

cdlent ammunition, which consisted in cuh'nary instru- 
ments; the supplies of provision laid up in the fortifica- 
tion, sufficient to maintain the garrison during a long 
siege, in case the enemy should not be able to make a 
breach, and carry it by assault so soon as was expected; 
the probability of frequent sorties during the siege ; 
and when we take a view, on the other part, of the 
numbers of the besiegers ; their firmness not to be 
shaken ; their extensive knowledge of tactics ; tht ir able 
and experienced leaders, wc find it exceedingly difficult 
to determine on which side the victory would have 
turned. This may be a subject of interesting specula^ 
tion to military gentlemen ; for ourselves, we are hur- 
ried by the rapid succession of great events to other 
scenes. We shall only pause for a moment, to con* 
sider what would have been the appeanance of the for-- 
tress and the surrounding fields had the assault began 
and been immediately successful. The kitchen would 
have been empty and in ruins ; clouds of flour, floating 
on the winds, would have overwhelmed the neighbour- 
ing buildings, the besiegers, and the besieged, in un- 
distinguished whiteness ! Innumerable pieces of beef, 
scattered around, would natdVally have invited the 
birds of prey, if they were not frighted away by the ex- 
ulting shouts of the conquerors and the lamentable 
groans of the vanquished. The sun from his meridian 
tower, beholding the majestic spectacle, would have 
entirely forgotten the scenes of European carnage, 
over which he had recently passed. 

As when — (thou seest, reader, we are not sparing of 
delectable similies, for they are certainly a very great 
ornament to this our immortal history) — as when the 
winds, that, during the day, raged and roared through 
the woods, grow fahit toward the time of evening, liil 
8t length those that love to wander in the twilight 



13 

along the side of the forest, hear nothing but the low 
whispering of the dewy breeze among the leaves ; but 
when the sun again reddens the morning clouds, the 
strong winds rush from their caves, and excite a deaf- 
ening noise among the groves. So our heroes, after 
their energetic retreat from commons, were content, 
for a short time, to feast upon the silent contemplation 
of their deathless exploit ; but their desire of action 
soon returned, and they found cause to achieve new 
adventures. 

They were called upon to choose committees from 
each class, to explain to the corporation their grievances. 
The day appointed for making the explanation, was 
Friday, April third, eighteen hundred and seven. 
The result of this day's adventure to our heroes, ap- 
peared, on the Saturday morning ensuing, to be, that 
the students, having grossly insulted the immediate 
government and the corporation, by their late high and 
extraordinary exploits, were required, those of them 
who achieved these adventures, to sign a paper expres- 
sive of their regret of their past conduct, and promising 
better behaviour for the future ; otherwise their con- 
nexions with college would be dissolved immediately 
after the ensuing Saturday, April 11. For the corpo- 
ration to attempt to resist the omnipotence of the main 
body of the students in this manner, was the most un- 
exampled piece of audacity ever recorded in the pages 
of history. What right had they to pass such a decree, 
consigning to everlasting ignominy, those who had 
recently covered themselves with immortal honour ? 
What hc^e could they have of its taking effect ? After 
the torrent has swelled above, and poured its sheeted 
waters over one barrier, impiously raised across its 
channel, does not the dam below, hearing the victori- 
ous roar of the distant floods above, tremble, and nat- 



14 

urally submit to be swept away to the wild ocean by 
th^ irresistible fury of the approaching freshet ? Cer- 
tainly, the corporation ought to be governed by the 
scholars ; and we shall now prove it &s strongly, as 
any demonstration in Euclid can be proved, by giving 
some of the leading steps of a long demonstration, 
which now lays upon our desk, and which is built con- 
formably to the rules of our new and improved sys- 
tem oi scholastic logic. The proposition is, the scholars 
ought to rule the corporation. Demonstration. 1st. 
The scholars are older than the corporation ; for, their 
number being two hundred and eighteen, and suppo- 
sing the age of each student to be on an average fifteen 
years, the sum of their ages will amount to three thou- 
sand two hundred and seventy years. Therefore, 
they are almost three thousand years older than the 
corporation. 2d. They have more knowledge than 
the corporation ; for, having recently studied the first 
authors in all the sciences, their acquirements are fresh 
in their memory ; whereas a long time having elapsed 
since the corporation graduated, that body may reason- 
ably be supposed, as happens with most scholars after 
leaving College, to have forgotten all which they once 
knew. 3d. They are more sagacious than the corpo- 
ration ; for, they can judge, and judge rightly, upon the 
most intricate subjects in an instant ; whereas the cor- 
poration are accustomed to examine and weigh a mat- 
ter well, before they come to a determination. 4th. 
They are more wealthy than the corporation. By 
wealth, we do not mean the possession of integrity, but 
of money. 5th. They are far more numerous than 
the corporation ; and we hold it to be an incontroverti- 
ble maxim in politics, that of two communities, that 
which contains the greatest number is the strongest. 
Therefore the scholars ought to govern the corpora- 



15 

tion ; which is the proposition that was to be proved. 
But, allowing the corporation to have a right to gov* 
ern, and it will require the utmost stretch of imagina- 
tion to conceive of it even for a moment, it cannot 
then be shewn that they had a right to require our 
heroes to sign a paper acknowledging that they had 
offended ; but the contrary may be proved to the satis- 
faction of every reasonable man. For, according to 
the new scholastic system of logic, 1st. a combination 
of the students against the government, though forbid- 
den by the law, is not a breach of the law; because 
the law being a rule of action, is a thing which has none 
of the qualities of matter, and, therefore, is immate- 
rial. Now, every one knows that an immaterial thing 
cannot be broken to pieces, like matter ; consequently 
no law can be broken. Therefore our heroes have 
broken no law, and so have committed no oifence. 

But allowing them to have committed an offence, 
which no one can believe for a moment, still we can 
prove that they ought not to confess it. For, 1st. such 
a confession would be agreeable to the doctrines of 
Christianity. 2d. It would be contrary to the princi- 
ples of modern honour. 3d. In a moral point of view, 
no one can be said to have committed an offence until 
he confesses it. 4th. Men of learning, especially when 
to their knowledge is added the possession of astonish- 
ing genius, and the recent achievement of glorious 
adventures, have a right, derived from prescription, to 
commit any offence they please, without being called 
to an account for it. 

The learned reader is, by this time, prepared to agree 
with us in extolling the justice and firmness of the 
subsequent conduct of our heroes. 

On the same morning (4th April) that they received 
the information of the vote of the corporation concern^ 
ing their gallant conduct, they again assembled at the 



16 

aecustomed place, and unanimously voted, 1st. not to 
sign the paper required. 2d. To combine indissolu- 
bly for the protection of each other, and mutually to 
promise to act in concert. At the same time our invin- 
cible band of heroes was augmented by a strong bat- 
talion oi infantry^ comprised of a detachment of those 
students who lx)arded among the inhabitants of the 
town. And these arrived in a lucky hour ; for, soon 
after their junction with the main body, two of the 
government entered the hall of meeting, and ordered 
those who were holding consultation to disperse. As 
when a person, taking his morning walk in summer 
along the margin of the meadow, in front of a rural 
house, perceives beneath a bush a litter of kittens, lay- 
ing close to each other in the sun, whose rays sparkle 
on their glossy backs, these children of the bird loving 
puss, unaccustomed to the sight of man, are startled,, 
shew their ivory teeth, give a short hissing sound, and 
immediately disappear among the herbage; or, as 
when the traveller in the forest comes suddenly upon 
a brood cf unfledged quails, these taking affright, hide 
beneath the .dry leaves of the oak, and suddenly hushed 
are their chirping ; or, finally, as when a number of 
snakes in spring-time, when the sun rides with the 
hulU crawl out of the crevices X)f the rock, that over* 
hangs the lucid stream, and lay beside each other upon 
the stony ledge, their new skins burnished by the sun» 
if, by chance, a gay pleasure boat comes floating down 
the current, the dash of the oar alarms the hissing sly 
serpents, and they hastily roll one after the other into 
the water. Thus did our heroes withdraw from the 
hall, hissing, and manfully striving with each other to 
elude the eye of authority. This is the best conducted 
and most splendid retreat that has happened since the 
time of Xenophon. Its leaders, by their masterly 



v 



17 

arrangements and skilful manoeuvres on that occasion, 
covered themselves with a new mantle of glory, far 
more dazzling than that which they acquired by their 
former achievements. 

Our brother Plutarch, whom we should hold in 
much higher estimation, if he were not so moral and 
humane, if we remember right, informs us, that the 
ancient Cimbri and Teutones were accustomed, when 
about to enter on the field of battle to bind themselves 
together in their ranks with strong cords, wound 
around the body of each soldier, and uniting them all 
by an indissoluble tie. Our heroes, ever ready to 
imitate the tactics of polished nations, now bound 
themselves and their forces together, by something 
similar in its effect to the cord of the Cimbri. Rightly 
judging, that the mere voting for the resolutions they 
had lately passed, was not sufficient to bind any one of 
themselves, or their soldiers, to a compliance with their 
determinations, they drew up two instruments contain- 
ing their two noble resolutions, viz. not to sign the gov- 
ernmental paper, and to act in concert, and carried them 
round diat their subjects might sign them. Many, to 
their disgrace, hesitated, but at last wiped off the stain 
by complying. 

It is the iate of all those who climb the steep of fame, 
and crown their iieads by virtuous deeds with never 
fading glory, as our heroes have done, to feel sometimes 
the aspersions of envy. Accordingly, some metaphys-" 
ical heads, imagining themselves to possess a small 
share of sagacity, have had the audaciousness to affirm, 
that the late glorious combination at College, arose not 
from badness of commons, but principally from the 
intrigues of our heroes, whom they have ever attempt- 
ed to brand with the appellation of unprincipled dem- 
agogues. Stand forth, ye infamous assertors of these 



18 

falsehoods, and receive a' few discharges fromthe cannon 
of our new logic, and ye will be silenced for ever. 1st. 
Could any human . being live upon such commons, 
as we have had ? Answer us that. Ye only sneer. 
Commons, therefore, was a sufficient cause to produce 
the phenomena recorded in our history, and, according 
to the great rule in philosophy, we have no right to assign 
any othej*. Do ye say, 'that many, espe cially in the 
lower classes, joined the College coalition through fear of 
losing their popularity ? Allowing they did, do ye not 
know, metaphysical gentlemen, that the College com- 
bination is all powerful, both in numbers, knowledge, 
and genius? That their tremendous influence in 
society could crush a Cato, were they hostile to him ? 
Admitting, that those who joined the confederacy 
through fear that our heroes would frown upon them, 
had possessed the audacity not to join it, and, under 
such circumstance, might have obtained a little credit 
in a vicious world, what good would this do them 
while labouring under the everlasting displeasure of 
our upright, perfect, and immortal heroes I The fear of 
~ these great men's displeasure, was, therefore, a justifi- 
able reason for any one to join the coalition, although 
he had no indignation against commons. Nevertheless, 
such as did join it through this motive, the impartiality^ 
of history will not suffer us to praise. We weave the 
laurel wreath only for the principal actors ; the others 
are virtuous. Do ye say, gentlemen, that the senior 
who opposed our heroes, as the child tries witba shin- 
gle to obstruct the cataract, and who utterly refused to 
enlist inider their victorious banners, is nevertheless 
not entirely deprived of his merit ? What, have not 
our "elevated heroes past their decree, that he never 
shall be suffered to find any reputation in this part of 
the country ? and have they not the power, the aliility 



19 

to carry their edict into execution ? If ye do hot 
admit this to be true, ye know nothing of reasoning. 

We shall close this our brilliant history, after the 
manner of our brother Gibbon, with a few general 
observations. If those who have the superintendance 
of Harvard University suffer our heroes to leave it, the 
credit of the College will depart with them. As for the 
mighty geniuses whom we praise, their inherent cen- 
tripetal force Will inevitably conduct them to their 
proper stations in society, without the aid of the pro- 
jectile power of a degree. But, alas, for the University ! 
she will be no longer enlivened by the greatness of 
their exploits, and there will be danger lest sobriety, a 
taste for literature, morality, and science, finding her at 
rest, and inviting contemplation, will again shed their 
mild radiance upon her, as they did in the days of our 
fathers. 

April 8th, 1807. 



sac 



April 13th, 1807. 

To prove that our heroes are not infatuated, we 
mention the following fects, which we, this day, heard 
from two of our respectable classmates ; gentlemen 
whose veracity is unimpcached. 

On Saturday, 1 1th April, one of the leaders collected 
a large number of scholars at No. 20, Stoughton, and 
there persuaded about twenty of them to swear, calling 
God to witness, that they would sign no governmental 
paper whatever. Two of those who took this oath, 
it is said, afterwards signed the corporation's paper. 

One of the leaders, on the evening of the fame day, 
hearing his intimate friend reason coolly upon the pro- 



20 

priety of signing the government's 'paper, told him 
that he would never speak to him again, burst into 
tears, and loud sobs, dashed a chair upon the floor, and 
walked the room with every appearance of frenzy. 
Another classmate invited him to his room ; but he 
stopped at the door, and said, I cannot rest, go to your 
room, I wish to walk. His classmate informed some 
others of this, and they all agreed, that this influential 
leader was gone to commit suicide* They searched, 
but did not find him. It was now eleven o'clock at 
night. About one o'clock he was heard to return. 
The next morning a classmate went to his room, and 
asked him how he did. He answered, that he should 
not continue long ; that he returned the night before to 
burn his paper*; hehadbuoitthera. . He told another 
person, the same day, that on the preceding evening, 
he went and stood upon a tomb, and thought that if he 
was on a bridge, he should leap into the river. - Is our 
College to be destroyed by such persons ? Are the 
days of witchcraft returned ? 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



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